After The Mask Slips

This links in to my post about why we wear masks. Below is a list of things that have been said to me since my mask slipped.

I was:
'Selfish' - Interesting, considering that defending another person caused the situation which broke my mask.

'A brat' - Because I couldn't control my emotions due to a mental illness.

'Not the only one who was hurting' - I knew that, but I wasn't just hurting. I was suicidal. I was and still am on a ledge where jumping makes most sense. my illness isn't 'hurting' me. It could kill me.

'Using self harm to hold mam hostage' - Not true, I'd hidden it until I desperately needed help and even then she doesn't know the half of it.  I cut to survive, not to control.

'You Blow up and make a fuss' - A man fom an accident, a man in pain, might scream and shout. People would offer consoling words and medics would administer pain relief.  But mental anguish... when someone with a mental illness screams their pain they're 'making a fuss' at best and 'psycho' at worst. Neither of those analysis are correct, though, and both stigmatise.

'You just take' - This one was for someone I'd never asked for anything, except a lift to a job interview once, and I didn't ask. He offered. Also, apparently I've never done anything for him... I'm not even going to tackle that one because it's untrue and a tangent that isn't covered by this post.

'There is only so much someone can put up with, mental illness or not' - People will weather storms of physical illness but mental illness isn't seen as an illness, as something which isn't a choice. It's seen as a character flaw.

'Your problem is you think you're the only one' - Not true, but at that point I felt I was dying. That's why I attempted suicide the month after this falling out. I was in need of help just to stay alive.

'Misguided' - I don't get that one.

'If you want anything else, bother someone else' - Can you even imagine saying that to someone with a physical illness or disability? But with mental illness it's apparently ok.

'You haven't got a clue' - Apparently I wasn't the only one.

'Unbelievable' - Yup, that I was responding to an illness is unbelievable.

'You really are an idiot' - Where do I start with that?

'A problem of your own making' - I didn't turn myself into this thing I am. No one would choose it. It's a nightmare than never seems to end and I cant run away from myself. Not without giving in to the suicidal thoughts.

'When I think you can't get any lower, you prove me wrong.' - That's how I feel about my black pit of depression too, but thank you for your disgust at me.

'Ignorant, selfish arsehole' - Nice. Not suffering a mental illness which affects my ability to cope with stressors or rationally think through stressful situations. I'm just an ignorant, selfish, arsehole.

'You put unbelievable stress on mam' - The person who claimed that has it backwards, but more than backwards he's basically indicating my illness needs to be hidden so it doesn't stress others. not like a physical illness where help can be sought.

'I don't know what good I personally get from this relationship' - Because relationships are all about personal gain.

'You think you are the only person in the world who is suffering' - I don't, my friendship group includes people with severe depression, anxiety, and other chronic illnesses. We support eachother all the time. I've stayed up all night talking others out of suicide before. I'm aware others suffer but that doesn't mean I can supress my illness anymore than someone with a physical condition could.

'I personally cannot and will not put up with it anymore' - Can you imagine if I'd said that to dad because watching him become ever more sick was worsening my mental health. I wouldn't have considered saying it. Never in a million years. But with my mental Illness? That's acceptable, it seems.

'Disgraceful behaviour' - My illness is disgraceful. that one just leaves me feeling defeated.

'Obstructive' - I'm not being obstructive, my illness prevents me doing certain things.

'Refusal' - I'm not refusing to do things, I can't do them. a paraplegic doesn't refuse to walk, they just can't do it. why do we use different language for mental health?

The way we talk about mental health and how we speak to people suffering mental illness is in direct opposition to how we talk about other illnesses and how we speak to others with disabilities. Why?

That's the real question. Why?

Pseudonymous Zombie